- What kind of taxi driver have you got lately?
THE GANGLAND GUY: Dark-haired, slick and slightly ugly, this guy is a rabid fan of stripey shirts and bobbing dashboard Holy Mary’s. He knew Marlo Hyland personally and it wasn’t all broken bones and bullets in the head… he bought local people hampers and goldfish at Christmas… a decent old spud, if you happened to be on his good side. This geezer was also the first taxi driver to take Paul Williams out to Ballymun to interview real drug-pushers. “I could tell ye some stories, wha!” he’ll say, as the car clock ticks in time to your tachycardia. ”The cops are wide to who blasted Hyland, but they just want them all to do each other in ‘cos it saves them having to do a job at the end of the day. It’s not just 9mm handguns anymore, they’re coming down with Glocks, Berettas, machine guns, even bombs.” You’ll also find out which inner city Garda station houses the most crooked cops, the best way to jump a bank counter (while keeping da eyes peeled), how drugs are smuggled into The ‘Joy inside hard-boiled eggs and the intricacies of the ‘Knacker Nelson’, a variant of the Full Nelson, that will cut off the flow of spinal fluid to any enemy’s brain. “Click Clack!” he’ll say, as you cautiously shift one leg out the door and tell him to keep the change. “Gone in the wink of a bleedin’ eye if ye do it nice ‘n proper,” he explains. “Have a nice noight!”
THE MARSHMALLOW CULCHIE: He’s going straight home after this for a ham sandwich and a bowl of leek & potato soup. In all their 52 years of marriage never a day goes by that she doesn’t make a big pot of the home-made soup. Sometimes even with the pearl barley in it. But she’s in a bit of a tizzy this week because she has a 21st down in Clonakilty, though she doesn’t want to go on account of her not drinking, but she’s just a bit concerned it’ll offend the sister, who’s had no luck lately ‘cos of the son in Mallow General getting the stomach pumped and him with a terrible drink problem after causing the family no end of shame. There’s 12 on her side and 15 on his, and three of them are called Bridget but that’s a whole different story, and if the young fella doesn’t stop drinking he’s going to surely die, the whole family driven demented with it and hadn’t the uncle only recently got him into the AA, after him being through the same thing too, but sure it did no good at all and The Girlfriend went ahead and left him after not being able to take any more and didn’t she shack up with a mechanic from Skibbereen which sent the nephew back on the drink altogether and sure the 21st will only bring it all to a head, which is why The Wife doesn’t want to go, but they’ll discuss it again over the bowl of soup when he gets home and decide then. “Do you want a receipt for that?”
THE CONSPIRACY FLIRTIST: “Do you believe in UFOs luv ?” [silence] “Ah, so you’re the suspicious type? Or else you are a believer but you just don’t want to say ‘cos it’s so early in the morning and you’re thinking to yourself, ‘this taxi driver is a bit of a bleedin’ spacer!?’” [pause: well, I was going to say...] “Let me stop you there luv, have you heard of a website called theinsider or abovetopsecret or evidence? [silence] “No? I didn’t think so. Most people think those sites are just for madsers, like, but I’ll give ye a proper example. You know the whole thing: did they land on the moon or didn’t they – well they did go to the moon and they did land there but all that coverage of them getting out and walking around in slow motion – that was shot in a studio later when they got back to earth – do you know why? [silence] “Because there was already space craft on the moon when they got there. And it wasn’t ours! And don’t be thinking either that Bush didn’t head on in to Afghanistan or Iraq for no reason! They needed the oil and resources to bring to de other planets. They’re colonising the planets and the rest of us are going to be left pretty much fucked and who do you think will be the first ‘up there’ with the Americans?” [silence] “The Israelis of course. Yer man Benjaminwhatshisface. And all the Bin Ladens too. And that muppet Blair. The whole lotta dem. Mad stuff altogether. You see luv I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m a conspiracy factist, cos it’s all 500% above-board-true. Anyway, lovely talking to ye.” [silence] “Here’s me card if ye ever need another taxi”. [silence]
THE RECESSION VIRTUOSO: A sandy-haired, freckled and excitable critter with two or three tabloids and loose food items straddled between the front seats (squashed coleslaw roll, The Irish Sun, Mars bar, The Daily Mail, Johnny Onion Rings, Fanta, etc.). Wears a Karl Jackson ‘affordable’ suit. Whiffs of Aramis. Photo of two young girls on park swings bluetacked to the dashboard beside a miniature Padre Pio head made of tin. Within two minutes of take-off he lets loose that he was once a valued employee in an insurance claims department or that he trained as an actuary or had his own stationery business before 1. divorce, 2. redundancy, 3. recession. But more importantly: he knew about our economic kiss of death, five years ago. “I’d a guy here in the car one day, now I won’t say who, but believe me this is a face you’d instantly recognise off the telly… let’s just say, for the sake of argument, this guy was talking to another guy, right? An economist type, again you’d instantly recognise off the telly, an exuberant sort of chap, let’s not name names here, and the well-known guy, let’s just say again for the sake of argument, he was a Minister back then, the navy three-piece, über polished shoes, cufflinks, the works, and he’d just come from a top-notch meeting of some sort on Kildare Street there and he said to this other guy: ‘Have you any investments stashed away at all? Because I’m telling you now boyo, after what I’ve just heard, they won’t be there in a year’s time’. Now no word of a lie that was back in early 2005 or was it in the summer when I got the house done? Definitely 2005 anyway, when the property boom was still chugging away and every eejit was grabbing a holiday home in Kusadasi or the south of France. I knew what was going to happen. Tried to warn people, but…”
THE SEETHING RACIST: Irish women weren’t getting raped before ‘they’ came here. Not content with taking our jobs they want all our women as well. Or maybe that’s no surprise because they probably get bored beating the shite out of their own. You see they want it so there’s a load of brown kids out there and we can no longer decipher black from white in this country anymore. Every scam under the sun. ATM machines to illegal casinos and identity fraud. Ten of them working a cab 24 hours on the trot and up to 20 sharing a house so they can rent out the free ones they’re getting from the government and make even more money that way. The Eastern Health Board have no problem buying them taxis, buying the plates for them and sure here, throw in the driving lessons and the tax and insurance while you’re at it, because bubbawubba or whatever his name is allegedly came from some shit war zone and needs all the help poor old little Ireland can give, even though we’re stone broke and can’t even hold up our own. Except that he forgot to mention he stopped off in the Netherlands for ten years where he ran a successful drug empire and now he’s selling crack to Irish kids up in Moore Street out of some makey-uppy hairdressers or Internet shop. Makes me sick to the stomach. If I had my way I’d shoot the lot of them, stone dead, and save up the bodies for bonfires at Halloween.
THE ERUPTING PERV: You know it amazes me how many youn’wans out there seem to think it’s A-OK to have a night out on de razz wearing Sweet-F-A. What’s all that about, huh? We’re not talking here about the auld tic tacs hanging out, I’ve no problem with that, I’m just as red-blooded as the best of them: I’m the first to admit I get a horn that would beat a donkey out of a quarry when I see a really good-looking woman… but skirts so short you can almost see the tampon string hanging out! Now don’t mind me, I just speak me mind, nothing wrong with that, is there? What age are you, jaysus now, I’d say you’re no more than 28. Anyway, I just say it how it is. That’s me. But you wouldn’t believe the way some of these young girls throw themselves at ye when they’re bombed outta their little heads. I’ve had girls in here talkin’ sausages, totally out of it, fallin’ all around the seats showing their knickers ’n all sorts. Total pecker wreckers, and byjaysus if they’re lucky enough to score a youn’fla they’ve no problem at all trying to give him a handy shandy in the back, knowing full well that I’ve no choice but to look in the mirror when I’m trying to keep an eye on the road. Do they think they’re on bleedin’ Xhamster or something!? I had two youn’wans in the cab only last week, a fare all the way out to Ashbourne, about 1am, sozzled, both of them. When we get there one says to the other, ‘you go on in and I’ll deal with him’, then didn’t she only turn around and offer to get down on her knees and suck the shark for the taxi fare! Tell me, what would you do if you were me and you were faced with that dilemma?
June Caldwell is a writer, who after 13 years of journalism, is finally writing a novel. She has a MA in Creative Writing and was winner of ‘Best Blog Post’ award at the 2011 Irish Blog Awards. You can read this post on her own blog here:
Heh. I haven’t caught a taxi in 2 months ( it’s warm enough so I am biking everywhere). But I think it is safe to say I have come across every single one of the folk you have described, and then some. The funniest taxi ride I ever got was with ‘The Gangland Guy’, non stop waffle and spoofery, he called 3 am–5 am, prime thieving time . ‘Sure dey don know who dey are never mind where der goin’!’ Most entertaining.
Most uncomfortable was the man who started to cry over the death of his wife. Ended up patting him on the shoulder while he sobbed at the light. Poor fellow.
Haha great article!
We’ve had them all!
“Most uncomfortable was the man who started to cry over the death of his wife. Ended up patting him on the shoulder while he sobbed at the light.”
How awful; I had a driver who told me his father had recently been diagnosed with cancer and it wasn’t looking good. Poor guy was shook up about it.
On the other hand I had the Seething Racist another time too, who at one point announced that the Africans didn’t do any work. What, really? The entire continent produced no people who worked or gave anything worthwhile to the world? Not all Africans, he corrected, only all the Africans in Ireland! XD
Oh god, my husband and I hada taxi-driver who LAUNCHED into a racist diatribe with us too. How ‘all them Nigerians stole fares’ and how they drove cabs under fake names and on and this one time (at bandcamp) there was a crash and before the police arrived they arrived like ‘flies on shite’ and switched plates on identical cars… and on and and until we eventually had no choice but to tell her to give it a bloody rest. Something she did not appreciate as she was just ‘telling it like it is’.
A bloke I know once got out of a taxi because the taxi driver kept going on about how “the Nigerians are the new Vikings – coming over here and wrecking our towns and stealing our women”. So mind-bogglingly offensive it’s almost funny.
It took me a minute to work out when one driver kept banging on about the “Jaysus blackxis”. Oh. Taxis driven by people with darker skin than your own. How very… well.
This made me spray tea out my nose. Ive met them all, I love when The Erupting Perv tells you what these chung wans are prepared to do in return for the fare… the amount of them who have told me the same story of the young wan, drunk, lookin to drag the poor unsuspecting fella out of his taxi and in for a nightcap instead of paying up.
Can I add Blistering Homophobe to that list?
Ugh, I once had a hideous combo of the Erupting Perv AND The Blistering Homophobe. It was a few years ago just after Pride, and he spent the beginning of the journey telling me how he “had” to tell two blokes to stop snogging in the back of his cab because it was a horrible sight and he didn’t think it was right to do it in public. It was one of those awful moments when you know you’ll have to say something or you’ll feel really guilty afterwards, even though you don’t want to get into a fight with an idiot bigot taxi driver, so I said something like “well, if straight couples can snog in public, why not two men?” but he ignored me and went on to tell me how different it was when he had “two young girls” snogging. Apparently, he told me (as my skin started to crawl), this was “lovely and natural”. I managed not to get sick and asked him what the difference was between that and the blokes but he said it was “natural” for “young girls to experiment” and he kept saying how “lovely” it was, which was somehow much creepier than if he’d just admitted how turned on he was. I was so deeply uncomfortable I was debating whether to stop the cab and get out, but by the time I’d finished internally debating the issue we were practically at my house so I just shut up until he did the same and then fled the taxi. Ick.
I had wondered if I’d get criticised for typecasting! But a relief to hear you’ve met the perv and Arlene has endured the gangland guy. Phew! I am not imagining it. Bonkers, eh? Of course he found the two women snogging ‘lovely and natural’ because there’s so much of that on those ‘recreational’ DVDs he orders online. I’ve met this guy too, can’t stop speculating over his breakfast roll what two women get up to but can’t bear to speculate two men. It’s an affront to his own three bouts of drunken giration a week with Her Indoors. I wonder is it the same in most other European cities?
That is disgusting… “lovely and natural”, beggars belief.
My partner was in a cab when the taxi driver began a huge tirade against gay people based on something on the radio the pope said… and when my partner challenged him he said “are you one o them f**in queers?!?”, to which he replied “yeah, so what are you going to do about it? stop the f**ing car you disgusting bigoted piece of shit”… driver pulled over muttering and my heroic bf got out of the car leaving about 15 euro unpaid on the meter.
Not the first time he has gotten out of a cab in protest against a racist/sexist prick of a driver.
Thanks June, that post was absolute class, so well written, so recognizable, so funny, so true.
The only one I am missing is de Republican blamin everytin on da Britz (but very amenable to talking about Manchester Utd or the latest scandals in the copy of The Oirish Sun folded with zero irony on his dashboard.
You’re right! He’s clear missing. I realised after I wrote this (and it was long!) that there’s about 18 personality types in total. Damn. I’ve met the Republican a rake of times, especially when I say I spent three years in Belfast. Yes, with the English tabloids! Funny….
I’ve also met the Moonlighting Artist (“Sure, I had a book or two published back in the nineties, but the last few years, nobody’s interested. What’s that? Yeah, that sort of thing, very similar to his work – he’s an old friend of mine, actually – liked his earlier work, but I didn’t think his last book worked so well.” and right after the September 11th attacks, the very first time I came to Dublin, the Old-Style Leftie (“They’re saying it’s about Islam – it’s not about Islam! Just look at the North! It’s about wealth, it always is! They came to the table pretty quickly when the money stopped coming in, didn’t they?”)
Oh June, this reads like a psychologist’s dossier on the mentalists in charge of the city’s thoroughfares at night. However, another one I think you’ve missed is the Scammer. I’ve pretty much had all the drivers above – including the Gangland Thug who worked for The Monk and squared up to me when I said that Hummer limousines were tacky as hell, the Perv who, when stuck in traffic with my two children in the backseats and a boot full of shopping, unbuckled his seatbelt, wriggled around and said ‘you’ve a lovely mowt, what I’d like to do to your mowt’ not to mention racists, nutters etc but the same driver I keep coming across is the one who tries to rip you off.
This is happening to me constantly. One night at a gig I banged my head really badly and dashed out to go home, asking the driver to get there quickly and he’d be tipped well, only to open my eyes and see we were driving towards Ranelagh! I find it really overpriced to take a cab home but after a pretty scary incident one night involving a dark road and a man with a shoelace, I’ve always left my taxi money on my bedside table so I never have to worry about getting home. This is no use when your fare is already way above before you’re anywhere near home…when you’re being arrested for protesting at the way these demented bullies think and act, I’ve made the decision to just walk and take the chance that whatever nutters are on the way, I will at least be within my rights to kick them in the balls when they take liberties.
Absolutely true! THE SLEAZY SCAMMER is another one. Damn…I should’ve called this Part I and published it in three parts. I’ve had them so much lately too. I get taxis a lot cos of my gammy hip, canne walk that far anymore and just tend to flag them down, which I hate. You say: “Willow Park, up by DCU, it’s fine down Mobhi Road and straight on…” giving them *exact* directions and he’ll still find a way to swing on up past Glasnevin Graveyeard, on up to Finglas and back around. Happens constantly. Fight about it constantly. I had one guy who blatantly admitted he doesn’t earn that much anymore, what with “a sea of yellow lights” out there now on any given night, etc etc. Two weeks ago myself and the Mackerel Man got a taxi from The Abbey Theatre to Rathmines…the guy drove down the docks, out to Ballsbridge and on towards Dundrum. He threatened us when we took him to task. We’d had errrrrrr a bit of wine to drink first so didn’t twig exactly what he was up to till well into the journey. Total pigs!!!
How about the Religious Nut? Had one of them a few years back, spent the entire journey trying to convert me, while I get really riled up. I was sitting in the front (I never sit in the back by myself as it’s a fair distance home, and you can’t tell if the child locks have been turned on) and even when I shut up he kept on ranting. Was too late at night to even fake a phonecall to someone.
Hee – there’s a lovely bit on one of Marian Keyes’s novels where a character is a taxi driver, and when the passengers start getting a bit too chatty and the driver wants a bit of peace and quiet, she says, “Can I talk to you about Jesus?”
I’ve had him!!! So to speak. I had the uber bizarre reborn Christian one night who told me that I was possessed cos I asked him to shut the fuck up bible bashing me after a long night out on the razz. Satan was in me and that it wasn’t a coincidence that I flagged him down on George’s Street and he could help. He didn’t get a tip through he tried to give me many. The world was also coming to an end though it seems his ego (and delusions) were going to live on forever.
Brilliant stuff…
I got into a taxi after work the other evening….did the how’s you, you busy bit to which the driver refused to answer and simply turned the radio up….
charming…
Above all types, I seem to get lumbered with more than my fair share of The Militant. You know, the guy who’s incredibly angry about deregulation. Who will rant all the way from town to the airport at 4am about the number of plates being handed out left, right and centre for buttons.
And don’t get him the amount of cosies that are out there ruining it for fellas like him. He wouldn’t rent out his plate, sure aren’t there enough taxis on the road?
On no account mention the difficulty that still exists in getting a taxi from town at 3AM on a weekend. He’ll keep you in the cab at 4.30am, ’til he’s said his piece and you’re anxiously watching the time ’til your flight closes tick away.
I’ve had The Homeless People Hater:
‘Just look at dem, sittin’ on dat Boardwalk, da-rinkin’. Dey shud be shoh! Wreckin’ de place. Look at dem!!!’
God, I hate getting taxis. However, the odd nice, normal driver makes up for the rest. A little.
The two worst taxi scenarios I’ve had since arriving back to Dublin last winter:
1. A few weeks ago, getting a taxi from Connolly to Glasnevin, just after Larry Murphy was released….taxi driver said: “Are there not some women who like being raped?” I kid you not. On my mother’s life. He elaborated by saying that a lot of female sex fantasies involve women ‘being taken’ very hard and so on. I could not believe my ears. But tellingly, he also said he was abused by an older woman when he was 10 years old “and enjoyed it” and from this he wondered if there were a few women out there who enjoyed being raped and/or abused. He didn’t even have a clear knowledge of the definition of rape. Totally disturbing.
2. On the way to Connolly last autumn, racist taxi driver, droning on and on and on about the recent ruination of Ireland via multi-culturalism. I was too tired to argue back on this occasion but then he brought it to a whole new level by suggesting that Ireland should have a ‘Shoot The Ni**ers Day’. “And I mean actually driving around and taking pot shots at any one of them you could find, if we had a day of that surely they’d think twice about coming here.” I was totally and utterly stunned, actually shocked to silence (which isn’t like me, I know).
Overall it’s incredible how much they don’t hold back (and how much they don’t get reported). Also makes the ‘funny’ ones seem more bearable and then you’re in London and they’re just driving along being all professional and making small talk…and you start to wonder.
Nodded and sighed my ways through these, June. Been there, paid the fare.
Another example is the ‘voice of doom’ taxi driver who among other statements told my friend and I that education was useless and we’d all end up on the dole anyway. His example was his mate who now drove a taxi though had a degree in physics – “very inteli-gant fella too’ apparently. We were on our way to sit an exam at the time.
And then there’s the singing taxi chappie; captive audience, bit of Dickie Rock, makes for a better day. *Whimper*
That said I had great craic with one on one occasion; he had a cd of songs from the musicals and played the first line from each and got me to bet me fare on whether I could name them all. I lost, but it was a good giggle.
Oh yes, have had the racists, the weirdos, the sexual suggestiveness, the going-around-the-houses-route drivers BUT I really like talking to taxi drivers. I’ve even thought about starting a blog about it!
I’ve had many amazing discussions and met people who have randomly wandered into it as a career. Many had touching, strange, funny or jaw-dropping stories to tell. There was the ex-Superintendent who had worked on a famous case of a mother and her child being murdered; the guy who told me he lost his virginity at 10 “because everyone in the flats just used to do it, even in the open, lots of us had been abused and thought that was normal”; many, many hard-working Nigerian drivers and we shared stories about our children but the most sinister of all was the time myself and my husband took a (rare) daytime cab after buying lots of house stuff in the days before we had a car.
The guy told us a series of lies, telling his initially he had a family, than that he didn’t. Next he said he loved animals (he actually was a fan and active participant in organising dog fights). After a disturbing lift home, he said to my husband as I stood right beside him:
“You know wha’? You could get away with murderin’ her no problem. Just bash her head in and say you lost the plot. You always get off for sayin’ yer mental”. He wasn’t laughing.
Chilling stuff.
That’s a very good point: the ‘lubly’ taxi drivers too. My heart especially goes out to the immigrant taxi drivers though ‘cos you just know they get a tough time. I had one guy a few weeks ago, was headhunted from UK to Ireland to a specialist physiotherapy job in a large southside hospital, physio for stroke victims, then let go two years in after they ran out of money. Is now out on the mean streets at night trying to eke out a living, attacked several times, etc. One minute he’s been treated as a health professional, the next, as a hate figure. Or the likes of the guy Jude describes above, singing his heart out and cheerful as a cherry cake. Or the traditional shanachie giving it welly or the ‘you won’t believe what happened me once’ yarnist, etc. But the type of ‘low level’ psycho you describe too is definitely out there. I mean if an experience like that leaves you shivering to your bone marrow, it’s ‘wrong’, plain and simple. That is a horribly shocking story and you know what? A lot of people wouldn’t believe you…Amazing.
I had a guy one time when I was living in Smithfield and I’d flagged a cab from town back to yisser North Inner City (albeit I was arseholed drunk…after giving up alcohol for a year on a mega diet, I’d had a few glasses of wine and was out of it) who drove me in the opposite direction entirely…at some point I fell asleep and when I woke up he was past Dundrum and making his way towards the mountains. This is in mid 2003. I asked him to turn the cab around and he still wouldn’t. Took out my Press Card and phone and told him it would not be wise, trying to sound assertive but polite, also said I’d pay the full fare back. He eventually drove me back as far as Ranelagh (€40 +) and when I got out, zoomed off at top speed so I couldn’t get his number. That spooked me out for a long time.
Great post June. Although I’ve never had a really bad experience I’m always quite nervous about getting taxis alone. After all I’d never even contemplate getting into a car with a stranger under any other circumstances. After reading your post I’ll now definitely never get one again!! I’m condemned to a life of sobriety, public transport or walking.
I’ve had the odd balls where I’ll get out before my house so they don’t know where I live. Once, having plucked up the courage to get a taxi home with a friend I was totally freaked out when after she got out the driver said “I love your perfume”. Maybe he was just being polite…but I wasn’t wearing any.
I’ve had nice decent guys too – more often than not in fact.
I am a bit of a psycho-magnet in fairness, although all joking aside, that doesn’t excuse or even explain the amount of bizarre taxi situations out there.
You’re forgetting the Fantasy Island taxi driver – the one who turns up on time, takes the most direct route and remains completely silent for the duration of the journey – bliss.
He never even entered my mind!
HA!!! Ive gotten him only once and I gave him a massive tip!
I guess I should have pointed out that when I was working as a photographer there were so many busy days with up to five shoots, I’d seem to spend more time in taxis, on expenses, zipping all over the city nattering away. And they were almost always grand drivers who could chat and hold a decent conversation.
But the number of bad incidents when I’ve taken taxis alone at night has seriously escalated to the extent that it seems like a different profession. I’ve had enough, the majority of these men may be fine but there are just enough lunatics to make taking a taxi an actual risk at this stage.
May I add one other (you might not get this in the city, mind)?
The speeder.
When I was living in Kildare, one of the local cabbies would (naturally) take the long way round to the destination, but would drive at high speed to give the impression that he was getting there quicker.
He would also drive with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the gear stick/radio (pick your choice) while talking at us and not paying attention to the road.
My Dad was a racing driver years ago, but I never felt as unsafe as when I was in that taxi.
I vowed to go in the other direction any time I saw afterward – very scary.
I`m sure your stories are accurate, however if the title of the blog was ” What type of African/Traveller/Asian/Foreign National etc have you met lately” with the same replies, this would be considered extremely racist.
Why people consider it ok to constantly stereotype taxi drivers is mind boggling. If you have a problem, report them to the Garda Carriage office or the Taxi Commission.
I have met many decent hard working drivers over the years, granted some may grate at times but this is not exclusive to taxis. One thing that cracked me up back in the day,when taxi queues were the bain of life, was while queueing in a bank one day and waiting 40 mins to reach the counter, 2 pax in front of me were moaning about waiting an hour for a taxi the previous Sat night. I asked them when they reached the penultimate spot on the queue, did they think this 40 min wait was acceptable? They looked at me as though I were mad and said, It`s lunchtime, they`re busy for God`s sake !
The Public, no understanding their logic.
Jack, I don’t quite get your argument here, as the title of the blog isn’t: ”What type of African/Traveller/Asian/Foreign National have you met lately?” for good reason as that was not my subject matter. Those headings you mention are more or less recognised minority groups too, taxi folk aren’t and therefore this blog isn’t about being ‘racist’ or ‘prejudiced’ towards a section of society who happen to drive taxis. That would be absurd. I would be just as likely to write the same about ‘bus drivers’ if they sat ranting homophobic, racist, sexist, bizarre invective as they drove along in the course of their job. The point is: no-one paying for an A to B journey should have to listen to such tirades or be subjected to fear, etc. I have also cearly acknowledged in the comments above that there are plenty of ‘nice’ taxi drivers out there, as have some of the other people who have commented above (such as Sinead Gleeson). This is not a ‘news’ article or a journalism feature, it is merely a genuine [creative non-fiction] depiction of some of the taxi journeys I have got in Dublin city lately and the conversations or situations that have occured. Maybe because I’ve been away – out of the jurisdiction – for a few years (till last autumn) that they stand out too as being extra bizarre or intrusive. And you’re right, it’s not exclusive to taxis at all: when I heard a post office worker in North Dublin last year rant about foreigners getting their dole payments undeservedly when Ireland couldn’t look after its own, etc etc., I wrote into An Post about it as I thought it was wildly offensive and unprofessional and didn’t want to hear that when I was queueing up to buy stamps. I wish I didn’t have so many ‘taxi stories’ – but the response above with other people’s journey tales come as no surprise to me either. In a perfect world I’d like to be driven from A to B with no conversation and no resulting stresses at all. I have also tried the: “I don’t want to talk, if you don’t mind…” line before and got a resounding: “Who stuck a fu**ing bee in your bonnet?” answer. Hey, life is full of no-wins!
Report them to the Gardai? When I was driven miles out of the way and was fed up of the driver alternately ignoring my directions/shouting at me for complaining about the rate, at 330am on a Friday night I asked the driver to pull in at the Guards station only to be arrested because I refused to pay the guy who had blatantly tried to scam me. I had the normal fare left at home on my locker, and asked the Guards to tell the driver to bring me back to East Wall (should have been from Wexford St but this was Phibs Gda Stn) for €12. No way Jose. The dude wanted to squeeze every penny he could and feck the customer if it meant spending a night in the cells!
And report the driver to the Taxi Ombudsman? That’s not much bloody use after I already had to pay the guy €20 outside of court and got licked with probation, and have a Herald Courts article naming and shaming me for simply trying to get home safely.
Fact is, the scammers are scamming and the ranters are ranting. If taxi drivers are so full of sweetness and light then why not, as June suggested, start up your own blog and ask your customers to sign testaments to your services on the back of a receipt before they get out of the car? You can display them on the backseats and reassure us there’s at least one normal fella driving around Dublin at night time.
This is precisely why we need debate and not under-the-carpet sweeping! God, that experience you outlined sounded awful. I’ve had those ‘driving miles out of the way’ scenarios too. Happens my elderly mother coming back from hospital appointments too even though she has learnt to tell them the exact directions she wants to go in, they bring her a more indirect route for an extra €5 and like many, she feels too ‘out of sorts’ to even complain. The irony of you being ‘named & shamed’ for someone else’s devious beahviour. Awful.
And you have that right. Simply report the driver. How difficult is it.
As you know, everyone remembers their `taxi story`. I`ve yet to read a blog or otherwise on positive taxi stories ,which I imagine are abundant, and wonder why I don`t. Is it the fear of ridicule by one`s peers? Is it because it may acknowledging that good professional drivers DO exist? It`s easy knocking drivers in a comfortable zone like this, have a laugh and a giggle with one`s friends. I say again, if there`s a problem with a driver report him/her to the relevant bodies.
I find as a driver that this type of discussion leads to a negative perception of ALL drivers. I`m sure if some of the contributors on here were to engage me from a rank, they would enter my taxi with a pre conceived bias towards me.
I`m the nicest guy you`ve never met.
The positive blog sounds like a good idea, would you not write that blog yourself, Jack? You sound genuinely passionate about it and I’m pretty sure if you start up a blog about ‘positive taxi driver’ stories, you will get many glowing accounts of good humour and cheer. Is it not an idea for you to do this, especially as you’re a taxi driver and want people to know that the majority of you out there are hardworking and professional and treat customers with respect? As regards what I’ve written, I don’t see how expressing a point of view (or reiterating some recent tales of taxi journeys) will suddenly have the power to tarnish all public opinion in the one direction about taxi drivers. Imagine if people were that susceptible and/or malleable. I have more faith in people having the will and intelligene and ability to make up their own minds. As regards reporting drivers, I agree with you that people should if they feel that something improper has occured, verbal or otherwise. I don’t have an issue with that. But I would rather it wasn’t any way necessary in the first place.
So what you`re saying is this :
It`s ok to recount negative stories as the majority of people who read them realise that the stories are not intended to tar everyone connected to the stories with the same brush?
You should have prefaced your story with a couple of my friends are taxi drivers………….
Jack, I’ve really said all I can say to you on this, very thoroughly, above. You seem to be particularly miffed from a taxi man’s point of view that I dared publically recount these tales at all? We live in a democracy where freedom of expression is paramount, so sorry ’bout that bud! And no I don’t think a blog post is going to affect taxi drivers, no more than any consumer review of a product or service would, as people make up their own minds. I did not set out to dissuade people from using taxis! But I do think that debate is important and the variety of comments in this thread have thrown up some genuine problem-areas that clearly exist out there, in your profession. I look forward to the ‘positive stories’ blog that you talk about, as I think that’s a smashing idea. You’ve a different outlook and that’s super and I welcome that, genuinely. These situations that myself and others have desribed, happened, some of them are more worrying (or sickening) than others. Others are just a-typical. Finally, why would I preface my stories with ‘a couple of my friends are taxi drivers’ when that’s not the case? So as not to offend you? Would a positive angle not be for taxi folk to become aware of what the public find offensive or hard to put up with, and perhaps then make relevant changes? That’s what I’d do if I worked in a shop and members of the public were complaining about the attitude or behaviour of staff.
I`m not angry at all. Maybe as the only poster here who has not praised your OP, it may seem like I am. On the other hand, my posts seem to have rankled your good self.
I always welcome debate and was glad to read your comments. I’m delighted that a bona fide taxi driver got to read what the people in the back seat of the cab actually experience. Now you can pass the word on!
And if i may add yet another taxi-driver quirk, it is that of the taxi-driver who is – illegally – on his mobile when you get into the cab, still on it when you say where you want to go, remains on it for the duration of the journey, and is still holding it in one paw to his ear when you leave the cab. Always wear your seat belt, is all i can advise.
I hear ye! Why don’t they just use those hands-free thingymajigs as we hear everything anyhow. I had a great one a while back where the guy got a call from The Wife who was in IKEA without his permission, rang to tell him what was in her shoppin’ trolley and he lost the rag. He stayed on the phone all the way from Thomas St to Glasnevin.
As I said, report the driver. Why complain about something if you are not prepared to act on it. Why accept unacceptable behaviour?
June, I am responsible for myself. It`s not my job to police the 15,000 drivers in Dublin. You on the other hand seem to have a knack for finding these undesirable drivers. Do us all a service , report them because rubbish like those get us all a bad rep.
Jack you’re repeating yourself over and over. Who said that I/we don’t complain? Read Nay’s post above. It’s precisely what she did. I have another friend who reported a taxi driver for assault last year and he’s lost his license. That’s not an issue. It’s also not that ‘clearcut’, you can’t report someone for a topic of conversation, yet some of these conversations are inappropriate or worse: can induce fear. The sheer array of stories in this comment thread should tell you that there’s a clear ‘problem’ out there with taxi behaviours and attitudes, even if men like you are decent hardworking spuds. Telling me over and over to ‘just report them’ and stop talking about it, lest it should affect business or public attitudes, is pointless. I’m not going to be censored. Telling me that I have a ‘knack’ for attracting mental taxi men is passing the buck. I’m not whittling on anymore about this: it’s taking up mileage on my intellectual clock and I may have to drive miles out of the way of the argument just to overcharge you! The stories above from people speak loud enough to me. And I see this blog post has been referred/linked to an Irish taxi forum, so hopefully taxi folk will read about a perspective they don’t normally get to hear about, and that will at least, spark discussion. I couldn’t hope for anything more. Over and out. JC
I recognise a few of those archetypical taxi drivers.
Just to let you know, this article’s been added to the Rule Hibernia Thumbs Up page.
http://rulehibernia.com/rh-thumbs-up/
[...] This post originally appeared on the Anti Room blog on August 31st, 2010. To read comments cilck here [...]